Melbourne Ice Hockey

When I was planning this trip out before I began booking flights I searched high and low for a tournament and thankfully found one and got on a team and then I began organizing dates to fit in travel to multiple cities so I could see as much of Australia and New Zealand as possible and there have been some bumps along the road like when I found out this ice times I was supposed to have in Auckland were confused for me being there in December for some reason but Cam Green came to my rescue and got me out with the Backyard Hockey League and in Dunedin the rink closed after my flights were booked but Drew McMillan came through and organized a game in Gore with the Dunedin crew and we took a bus there and everything worked out in both those cities better then was originally planned but here in Melbourne I had plans with the Melbourne Nite Owls and boy did they drop the ball . At one point I though I would be skating with them in a practise and meeting them and going on from there having fun and possibly leading to other invites but that was not the case . After I booked flights and hotels and had everything sorted they decided that it was not the best thing for me to be skating with them with this bullshit excuse of having to pay their insurance which apparently is around $160 . Now I call bullshit on that because they have inter squad games where they have nothing to deal with any leagues and I could have been invited for that but instead had their noses turned up at me as if they were some high nosed society of elites . Now I’m hoping they are reading this knowing that I have been invited to skate in Sydney at multiple functions and in Perth I even played in their summer league games for two different teams ! And here in Melbourne the insurance bullshit was the issue .... here is the kicker , I have my own insurance . This insurance nonsense is a massive money grab and it is not the first time I’ve encountered this on my travels but there were ways around it as I’m sure there are here . I took matters into my own hands and contacted the closest rink to my hotel which is the O’Brien Group Arena and got on the ice for a shinny session there and guess what ? They didn’t even ask about insurance ! Melbourne you’ve let me down ...BIG TIME ! 

So I’m still playing catch up with my posts and this is two days ago and I should catch up later as I laze around the pool later on 😝 so Friday morning we got up went to grab some food and did some laundry on an otherwise lazy day . We jumped on the circle tram tour which is the 35 tram that has commentary for tourists to see the city and its free ... too bad all the people on the tram were more interested in talking and we didn’t hear a single thing on the recorded messages that were being broadcast to us . If anything you need to do this on a day where there aren’t too many tourists so you can hear and see the city better . We got off at the Queen Elizabeth Market with hopes that there would be the same food stalls but that was another disappointment as it was just a giant flea market but we did find some gifts to bring home so it wasn’t a total failure but we were hungry and I was planning my usual pre game carb load of pasta and yeah I know the new thing is to have some hippy dippy kale smoothie but I’m old school and still love my carbs . When I get home I am gonna test out this keto diet thing so I’m gonna enjoy bread and pasta as much as I can which is not helping me reach over to tie my skates as I’m putting on the pounds . Pretty soon I might look like a giant bahl 😜. Oops that was a typo 🤪. So no pasta at the market so the next best thing is this place that I have eaten at before in Germany called Vapiano which is just up the road from my hotel . Got really full from my Bolognese pasta and hit the bed for a nap 😴 

My ice time was at 615 pm and I was told to get there an hour before ice time to register so I could play and I have to thank whoever was corresponding with me at the O’Brien groups Facebook page for being so helpful . If it weren’t for this one ice time I probably would be writing hate mail instead of just my regular bitching and moaning hahaha ! They came through but really I found this on my own and reached out and had nobody offering to pick me up or go for beers after and I was just going into this as some random that nobody will know or get to know at all which diminishes the whole experience as you all know in my other stops I’ve made friends and here all I can say is I’ve been let down and the attitude of the community here sucks balls . When I awoke from my nap I wasn’t really interested in going through with this skate to be honest as I’ve been so pissed off about the whole experience but I put on my big boy pants , sucked it up and went downstairs to get a taxi . Now this was an experience .... I’ve run into some weird taxi situations and what I’m gonna tell you may confuse you all . There was a large van taxi and a small taxi waiting so I approached the van and said are you waiting for someone ? No . Can I get a ride to O’Brien Group Arena ? What for ? Ice hockey .... his reply was , I’m Lebanese . Umm ok what the fuck does that have to do with anything ??? Don’t laugh too hard . I turned to the other taxi and asked same question ... are you waiting for someone , no . Ok can you give me a ride to the arena ? I am waiting to drive to airport . Ok , as I’m scratching my head these two blubbering idiots sit there waiting for .... nobody ? I go inside ask the concierge to call me a taxi and she says yes and then says to talk to the two outside and I said they are useless but regardless she goes and asks them both the same question with the same result . She phones the taxi company and another taxi arrives and I approach him and he doesn’t want to take me either ! Apparently there is no room in his vehicle for my bag because he has a spare tire in the boot (trunk) . Now why in the heck would you go pick up someone at a hotel when you have no room in your vehicle for bags ? Don’t people at hotels generally have bags ? Now at this point the clock was ticking and I was getting more and more frustrated . The third taxi left and the first two were still sitting there waiting for people that the hotel said were not even there ? What is going on with taxi drivers that don’t want to work here ? Do they realize what their jobs are , is it because they think my bag is a bomb or something ? Wtf ! The van driver all of a sudden decides he can drive me and I reluctantly get in and turn on my gps to make sure he is not taking me for a ride and I swear to you all if he made a wrong turn I would have cracked him in the mouth with my goalie sticks that I held tightly in my hand . He got me there late and when I arrived I signed in and to my surprise I didn’t have to pay . 

I got to the room allotted to us which said room 1 on the board and a few guys came in and I tried joking with them but they were not interested in having a laugh so this was a rough start to my hockey experience as if it was great to begin with . I got dressed and realized there were 3 goalies for this skate and again I wonder why do goalies show up for ice times when they see more then two others and they were not interested in talking to me either and then I met a guy from Vancouver that finally piped up and we spoke about this insurance bullshit and he explained how teams are scared to let guys play and he even agreed it’s a scam as he has his own insurance also . He also went on to explain that his team tried to get him to pay the full amount for the year of insurance with only a few weeks remaining on the insurances yearly plan which ends mid season so he opted to wait to join the team when the next year began . Basically he would have had to pay it twice in one season in order to play here , how totally fucked up is that ? Now remember I have played all over Australia so far with absolutely no issues about this insurance and Melbourne apparently is living within their own microchasm of insanity and for that I have the pleasure of flying here and paying for a hotel with nobody giving a rats ass about me .... and trust me I don’t think I’m anyone special but give a brother a hand ! If any of these guys ended up in Toronto I would have got them ice time and shown them around but as of now I would act is if they had the plague . And yeah I hope they are reading this and yeah I hope some of them are in Adelaide next week and if they have any issues with my complaints they can fill in a ballot and put it in the box marked , go fuck yourself 🤪 anyways I played alright for my first shift on the ice and then switched ends and totally shit bagged it . I did not impress myself and I’m sure I didn’t impress the guys I was playing for and for that I’m sure I wasn’t the goalie of choice to talk to after the game . Regardless these shinny skates are full of guys that just go on with their lives anyways and after the game I’m sure I will be able to say that I still don’t know anyone here and the only taste in my mouth left behind about my hockey experience would be something like whatever the flavour of shit is . 

Please keep reading as I’m not done with my complaining 😬 as after our game we all went back to Room 1 to find out bags all missing ? Now this is a first for me ... 40 countries and countless games in countless arenas around the world and I have never seen a team that was such absolute douchebags that they decided to move every single bag with all our clothes to another room so they could have the room of their choice . And no this room was not a certain teams room and there was no team logo on the door or anything . This amateur team called the Melbourne Mustangs decided instead of going in the room with one bag and moving that one bag that they would remove some 20 odd bags into the room with one bag for the simple reason that they wanted it . How absolutely unprofessional and douchey could you be you absolute fucking assholes with no respect for people’s personal belongings and only serving your personal purpose of feeling some form of superiority ! I have never seen and or done anything like this and everyone that got off the ice with me had nothing but horrible things to say about your shitty club for doing such a selfish thing to a group of hockey players . We ended up with other players gear in our bag and some clothes ended up in other people’s bags and I even ended up coming back to my hotel room with someone’s skate guard which I’m sorry I didn’t notice but hey at least those assholes got their room and I even suggested to the guys that we should go into their room and put all their gear out on the street ! Which I really wish we did because that would have been sweet and maybe they wouldn’t mess with other people’s personal stuff in the future and all I can say from here on out is I hope your crap team goes on to a horrible season full of horrible shit happening to you all and you can eat shit you dirty bunch of fuckbags . End of rant and it’s time to go for a drink 🥃 

Amazingly I had no issue getting a taxi as the rink called one for me and I headed back to my hotel and dropped my bag off and we headed out for a drink and found a bar called the Waterside Hotel where I got absolutely shit faced at and probably drank more then I should have but I have to admit this experience in Melbourne has left me with a bit of pent up anger and it was time to let loose . Before I call it a night I grab myself a shitty kebab and probably said and did some things I should have not done but it’s a good thing Kathleen understands my pains . If you are reading this wondering what kind of psycho path I am let me just remind you that I’m a goalie and I’ve probably had a few more concussions then your average person . I really hope that the amount of cursing I have put into this blog gives you the stressful feeling of what I’ve experienced coming to Melbourne and if anyone can explain why any team would leave anyone hanging like I’ve been left hanging would have any respect for themselves then I’m willing to talk . At the moment I would say I have a total lack of respect for the Melbourne Nite Owls and the Melbourne Mustangs and if they have anything to say I’m sure they can leave a comment below . I still don’t understand why I couldn’t practise with your squads or play in your inter team games which you have on Sunday that has nothing to do with any league games and if the insurance thing keeps popping up then you guys are just as bad as any scumbag that is collecting street tax . I have my own insurance and look forward to leaving Melbourne to go play in another Australian city without any issues of letting me play ice hockey . And once again why was it an issue to skate with you but I can skate at the ice rinks organized shinny ? Whatever ... I give up . I’m out .